Birth: A Man's Guide

Men,

I'm going to be honest, being a man during childbirth is...awkward.  Luckily for you, I've been a man during someone else's pain in childbearing TWICE - which by all accounts makes me an expert in the matter.  So, I figured I would do all the husbands out there a favor and give them the top seven things they'll need to remember in order to survive the birth of their children. 

1. When Helping Hurts

During labor, lots of things, almost all of which you've never experienced before, will be happening at once, and you will have many emotions as you struggle to process it all.  You will have no control over the situation, and you'll often be not quite sure what is going on - or what's supposed to happen next.  

At some point, you will almost certainly feel completely and utterly helpless. 

Your wife will try to assure you otherwise, but deep down you'll know the truth.  My wife has always been a master of subtlety.  Her labor was no exception.   Thankfully, she let me know that I was needed by saying things like, "Do not touch me." and "Stop talking."  Or, my personal favorite - "Leave me alone."  Somehow in the heat of the moment, her words of comfort went straight over my head.

2. Do NOT Complain...Ever

Repeat after me, "I have no reason to complain."  If you're wondering under what circumstance you could be so bold as to clear your throat and ask for something - there are none.  Food, water, bathroom breaks, sleep, privacy - these are all just words during and after your wife's labor.  More like jokes really.

Now that I think about it, there is one scenario in which you might want to ask for help.  If you realize that there is a live human being inside of you who suddenly wants to come out, then you're safe to say something.  Otherwise, keep it to yourself.

3. Compartmentalize Your Memories

Unless you are completely aloof and uncaring - you are going to see things that will make your stomach turn.  A birth is a very messy thing.  It will be hard to see the woman you love experiencing so much pain and nastiness - it will be hard to unsee it as well.  You will need to tuck all these memories away in a compartment in your brain labeled "Hospital".  You'll also want to toss any peanut gallery comments to your wife about how "gross" anything is into the incinerator - just write a public blog instead.

Up until this point, you have memories of her as a wife.  

Now, you will also have memories of her as a mother.  

Memories of wedding gowns and night gowns will be joined by memories of hospital gowns.

Memories of undressing her will be joined by memories of dressing her.

Memories of showering with her will be joined by memories of showering her.

Private, intimate memories of one kind will be joined by private, intimate memories of an entirely different kind.

This is where the "or worse" part comes into play from your wedding vows.  Remember that this is a small, isolated period of time.  Remember too that this is something you already agreed to support her through - and cheerfully.

Soon you'll be back to a "normal" routine, and all of these memories will need to be put away in that "Hospital" file.  Don't leave this file open on your desktop for constant referral, but don't delete it either - it's a strong glue that holds the two of you together.  

4. Love them Both

I'll never forget the moments I first saw Silas and Judah.  With Silas, love spontaneously erupted inside of me - and it was such an incredibly new, wonderful feeling.  With Judah, the moment I saw him it was like I had loved him forever.  Like I'd already been his Dad for a long time, and he was just a little late joining the family.

With both children, I felt a tug-of-war during the first fifteen minutes after their birth.  Should I stay beside Emily, or should I walk across the room and be with my son?  In both cases I kind of ended up pacing back and forth between the two.  With Silas, I had been excusively focused on Emily's welfare for six years - and so it was weird to suddenly have another vying for my attention.  With Judah, I was worried about leaving Emily because she was completely isolated behind the giant blue curtain of doom during the c-section.

It was a very uncomfortable feeling.

Two had become one.  Then all of the sudden, one became three - and now four!  

5. Scared? Keep it to Yourself

Worrying isn't a part of my DNA, so for this one I'll have to rely on the hypothetical.  Hypothetically, I might have might looked up a Wikipedia article on c-sections and seen some disturbing pictures.  And hypothetically, those images are still burned in my memory.  And hypothetically, I might have been terrified at the thought of being in an operating room while total strangers cut my wife open.  And hypothetically, I might have been royally FREAKING OUT!!!!

And hypothetically, my wife might have kept asking me in the weeks leading up to the end of her term if I was scared at the possibility of a c-section.  And hypothetically, I wanted to break down crying and pour out my heart like an episode of Dr. Phil.

Fellas, the answer to the "Are you scared?" question, is "No."  She is about to go through major surgery, on her own body, and she is going to be afraid.  She is going to look to you for stability and strength - and you've got to come through.  Pray for the ability to keep it together, and do so.

Besides, you can always freak out in the privacy of a bathroom or closet when no one is around.  Hypothetically.

6. Find Humor in the Chaos

During the first 24 hours of your child's birth - your hospital room will feel like a speed dating nightmare.  A round-robin of doctors, nurses, orderlies, housekeepers, anesthesiologists, lactation consultants, record keepers, photographers, pediatricians, and busboys will come in to perform their various duties.  Our first night, Judah woke us up about four times.  The hospital staff woke us up about fourteen.  Something about "checking his vitals" and "inspecting her incision" - likely story.

My personal favorite was the lactation consultant who, when I walked in the room after making a fountain drink run, introduced herself by saying "Hi, I'm the breast lady."

You'll also need to get your priorities in order.  Priority 1: Mom and Baby. Priority 2: Find a Public Restroom.  For reasons not fit for a blog, you really won't want to use the toilet in your hospital room.  Furthermore, the chances are 100% that the chili dogs you ate the day before will catch up to you around the same time the photographer is trying to capture a magical moment with mommy and baby.  Use this opportunity to grab a book and excuse yourself to your private apartment down the hall.

7. Do Not Adjust Your Television Set

At least once during your hospital stay, you'll wonder if you are in an episode of the Twilight Zone.  Concepts like privacy, dignity, time, and sleep will take on a whole new dimension.  Random people will come into your room in the middle of the night, some of them men, all of them strangers.

Two hours of sleep will no longer be thought of as a nap, but a decent night's rest.  Sleep will no longer revolve around something rational like, say, when you are tired and want to sleep.  Instead, it will revolve around every other conceivable person or event known to man.

And everything - everything - will take more time.  Helping your wife to the bathroom, changing a diaper, and adjusting a few pillows should only take fifteen minutes in a normal world.   But in crazy sideways LOST world, it takes an hour and a half.  And when you're done, it's time to feed the baby - who by the way, needs another diaper change.   And then here comes the vitals-checking, incision-inspecting turbo nurse wondering if it's a bad time.

What, this?  A bad time?  Surely you jest.

So, to all you husbands out there, the next time you just happen to find yourself in the same room as a laboring woman - just pull up a chair, and my blog.

You'll thank me later.

-Jason

Fate

"Fate"

by Jason Hart

Once there lived a great and mighty prince who ruled over a vast kingdom.  At the height of his power, God visited the prince one night in a dream.  In the dream, God explained that a horrible tragedy was fast approaching which would utterly destroy the prince's kingdom, family, and wealth.  However, God explained, there was another option.  If the prince could choose which of the three he wanted God to destroy - either his kingdom, his family, or his wealth - God would only destroy that one, and would leave the other two unharmed.

Terrified, the prince awoke from his dream, trembling in fear.  The prince could not imagine a world in which God could be so cruel.  As he considered what God had said, he wondered if God would really fulfill his promise.  After a few minutes of staring at the ceiling, the prince got on his knees beside his bed and begged God to not allow this great tragedy to strike him and his kingdom.  He pleaded with God to allow the devastation to pass by, asking that his kingdom, family, and wealth remain untouched.

The next day however, a huge army invaded the prince's kingdom.  The prince's army was vastly outnumbered, and one by one the cities within the prince's kingdom fell to the enemy. Knowing that the capital would soon be surrounded, the prince fled from his kingdom during the middle of the night.  He loaded up his family, servants, and possessions and they went as a caravan deep into the wilderness just east of his kingdom.

Again one day, God came to the prince in a dream.  This time, God explained that the devastation He had promised was underway, and that next it would move to his family and wealth.  Once again however, God offered the prince the chance to choose just one of the two to absorb God's destruction.  The prince was furious at God's latest proposal.  He thought of his beautiful wife and son, and he thought of his many servants, livestock and piles of gold.  The prince knew that losing either would be too great a burden to bear.  The prince cried out to God, begging Him to turn from the disaster He had promised.

The next day, a band of men from within the prince's own camp betrayed him.  They stole his gold, took his livestock, slaughtered his servants and plundered his possessions.  They left the prince and his family alone and destitute in the wilderness with nothing but the clothes on their backs.

As a steady rain began to fall, the prince huddled together with his family, trying to stay warm as they fell to sleep.  That night, more terrifying and terrible than ever, God came to the prince in a dream. God announced that the full weight of the devastating hammer had yet to fall upon the prince.  His family, after falling deathly ill, God explained, would soon be stripped from him.

The prince startled awake and cried out to God.   "Why can't you just leave me alone?!"  he shouted, shaking his fist at the heavens.  "What kind of a God are you?  How could you have asked one man to bear the burden of such impossible choices?"

Desperate, the prince pleaded with God to give him another choice.  "Please don't take away my family!  I will give you anything you want - even my own life - but please, leave my wife and son alone."

God spoke to the prince in his despair, "Oh prince, mighty among men.  What right do you have to be angry?  It was your choice that sealed their fate - not mine.  I gave you the chance to choose your family over your kingdom and your possessions - but you wouldn't take it.  And now, no such choice exists."

Responding to Jesus: My Thoughts on the Second Reading of the Gospels

At the beginning of the year, I made the rather hasty declaration that I intended to read through the life of Jesus sixteen times during 2013.  Believe me, I'm as shocked as you are that I've actually stuck with it, having just completed my eighth time through the life of Christ yesterday.  So far, it has been a tremendously enjoyable, if not somewhat tedious, experience.

Each quarter, reading at the pace of one chapter per day, I've read through the four canonical gospels once.  Each time through, I'm focusing on a different aspect of Christ's life.  My first reading focused on the teachings of and about Jesus.

This quarter's reading focused on positive and negative responses to Jesus.

One prominent response to Jesus is what I'd call "interested, but not committed"  This response predominately came from the crowds.  (Although certain individuals responded this way too, for example, the Rich Young Ruler [Mark 10:17-22] came to Jesus seeking advice, but ultimately lacked the resolve to truly follow Him.)  The crowds were a self-serving, miracle-seeking mob that seemed to pursue Jesus at every turn.  Yet, Jesus didn't view the crowd with cynicism or naivety - rather, he saw them with compassion. (Matthew 9:35-38)  And, it should be noted, He responded accordingly.

Some, primarily religious leaders, made no secret of their hatred for Jesus.  In fact, and don't miss this, Jesus' main opposition during his earthly ministry came from religious leaders.  While perhaps actual Pharisees were unique to Jesus' day - their spirit lives on, and their opposition to the work of God continues today.

If I were to paraphrase the driving attitude behind the religious leaders' response, it would be this - We will condemn, criticize, humiliate, persecute, and eventually kill ANYONE who challenges our rules.  The pharisees had monopolized the religious market, and they were going to crush any competition that threatened their self-aggrandizing control of the masses. (see John 9 and Mark 7:1-13)

Another intriguing response was one that tried to remain neutral to Jesus Christ.  I'm thinking of the parents of the man born blind, who, for fear of the Jews decided to avoid making a definitive decision about Jesus' identity as the Christ (see John 9:18-23)  And of course, I'm thinking of the infamous washing of the hands incident in which Pilate tried to cleanse himself of any moral culpability regarding Jesus' crucifixion. (Matthew 27:24-26)

And finally, there were those who responded positively to the person and work of Christ.  The mere writing of the gospels themselves, as Luke intimates in his preface, shows that there were at least some who cherished the earthly ministry of Christ.  Eleven men dedicated their lives to Jesus, choosing to sit under Him as a disciple. Simon the Cyrene, under compulsion, carried His cross. Joseph of Arimathea buried His body.  Women brought spices to the tomb.  And hope, crushed during the dark three days Jesus spent in the tomb, sprang eternal in the hearts of those who encountered the risen Lord.

On the whole, however, the response to Jesus was overwhelmingly negative.  The inn wouldn't accommodate Him, and Herod tried to kill Him.  A disciple betrayed Him, and the rest really didn't understand Him.  The crowds endlessly used Him, and a place to lay his head, evaded Him.  His own brothers didn't believe in Him, and his hometown refused to honor Him.  The Pharisees constantly opposed Him, and the demons cried out against Him.  A mob arrested Him, and then Pilate released Him.  The two condemned thieves mocked Him, and in the wilderness, Satan tested Him.  Soldiers beat Him, and, theologically speaking, everyone killed Him.

And perhaps, this is where our theology is most informed.

Most people do not respond positively to Jesus Christ.

In fact, Jesus made this statement in John 3

"and this is the judgement: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil."

Doesn't this find application in the reality that there are millions and millions who will die without ever hearing of Christ?  I don't want to trivialize a very somber and humbling reality.  Nor do I want to make a blanket statement regarding their fate.  However, isn't it more telling, not that there are millions of people who have never heard of Christ, but that there are millions who have heard and still choose to reject Him?

Don't most reject Christ?  Isn't this the picture we see in scripture over and over?  Not that God hasn't made Himself known, but that He has made Himself known, and we've ignored Him.

Haven't I rejected Christ?  Perhaps explicitly before I was a Christian, and now implicitly in my behavior after I've become a Christian?

Isn't it easier to reject Christ?

A polarizing figure, who demanded that we love Him above everything and anyone else?

Isn't that why He died?

And, if we're to successfully continue within the illusion of our own kingdoms on earth... doesn't He have to die again?

Either Him?

Or me?

Some Thoughts on Reading through the Gospels (First Quarter)

At the beginning of this year, I embarked on a journey to read through all four gospels four times during 2013.  Reading at the pace of one chapter per day, I've just finished reading through the gospels looking for teachings of and about Jesus Christ.

I'm not sure how many times I had read through the gospels prior to this year. Maybe 8 or 9 times?  Yet in this most recent reading, I found myself more intrigued by Jesus than ever.  He truly was such a controversial, charismatic, downright offensive person.  And yet he had a gentle, unassuming, almost sneaky personality that was really quite lovely.

Jesus' views about himself were unashamedly lofty.  He really thought He was something special.  Yet not once did he trample over the weak or the outcasts.  In fact, His high view of himself seemed to fuel his love and compassion for others.

Perhaps most troubling was Jesus' teachings about the eventual (and eternal) separation of the righteous and the wicked.  A teaching made even harder to stomach when coupled with His teachings about the inability of some to hear the voice of God due to the hardness of their hearts.  It makes you pause and ask the question, "Do I really know God?" Or, perhaps more importantly, "Does God really know me?"

The most surprising thing to me as I read through the gospels was the focus on Jesus' identity that emerged in all four gospels.  It seemed with every turn of the page, the question kept popping up - Who was Jesus Christ?  The answer to this question was one that Jesus seemed determined to make people discover for themselves.  Perhaps for the same reason you shouldn't explain the punchline of a joke.  If you have to explain it, it's not funny.

I can't wait to read through the gospels again.  I'm starting in Matthew on April 1st.  Join me.

Devotions for the Fourth Sunday of Advent

Fourth Sunday of Advent

December 22, 2013

Fourth Candle Color: Purple

Theme: Peace / Comfort

(Light three purple candles, and one pink candle)

Opening Prayer:

"Lord God, we light this candle to thank you for your Son our Savior Jesus Christ, who is the Prince of Peace. We who live in discord and strife have found peace in the promise of eternal life, through Jesus Christ. We give you thanks and praise in Jesus' name, because he lives and reigns with you in your glory, and in the unity of the Holy Spirit, Amen."

Scripture Reading:

Luke 1:39-55 (Listen to Luke 1)

"In those days Mary arose and went with haste into the hill country, to a town in Judah, and she entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth. And when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, the baby leaped in her womb. And Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit, and she exclaimed with a loud cry, "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb! And why is this granted to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For behold, when the sound of your greeting came to my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord." And Mary said, "My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant. For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed; for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name. And his mercy is for those who fear him from generation to generation. He has shown strength with his arm; he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts; he has brought down the mighty from their thrones and exalted those of humble estate; he has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich he has sent away empty. He has helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy, as he spoke to our fathers, to Abraham and to his offspring forever."

Mid-Prayer:

"Lord Jesus Christ, we implore You to hear our prayers and to lighten the darkness of our hearts by Your gracious visitation; for You live and reign with the Father and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen."

Scripture Reading:

Isaiah 9:6-7 (Listen to Isaiah 9)

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and of peace there will be no end, on the throne of David and over his kingdom, to establish it and to uphold it with justice and with righteousness from this time forth and forevermore. The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this."

Micah 5:2-5a (Listen to Micah 5)

"But you, O Bethlehem Ephrathah, who are too little to be among the clans of Judah, from you shall come forth for me one who is to be ruler in Israel, whose coming forth is from of old, from ancient days. Therefore he shall give them up until the time when she who is in labor has given birth; then the rest of his brothers shall return to the people of Israel. And he shall stand and shepherd his flock in the strength of the LORD, in the majesty of the name of the LORD his God. And they shall dwell secure, for now he shall be great to the ends of the earth. And he shall be their peace."

Hymn:

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day
(Listen to Casting Crowns Version)

(1) I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

(2) I thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along the unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

(3) And in despair I bowed my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men."

(4) Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men."

(5) Till, ringing singing, on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,
Of peace on earth, good will to men!

(Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882), 1867)
Lyrics taken from www.oldielyrics.com

Scripture Reading:

Psalm 80:1-7 (Listen to Psalm 80)

"Give ear, O Shepherd of Israel, you who lead Joseph like a flock! You who are enthroned upon the cherubim, shine forth. Before Ephraim and Benjamin and Manasseh, stir up your might and come to save us! Restore us, O God; let your face shine, that we may be saved! O LORD God of hosts, how long will you be angry with your people's prayers? You have fed them with the bread of tears and given them tears to drink in full measure. You make us an object of contention for our neighbors, and our enemies laugh among themselves. Restore us, O God of hosts; let your face shine, that we may be saved!"

Hebrews 10:5-10 (Listen to Hebrews 10)

"Consequently, when Christ came into the world, he said, "Sacrifices and offerings you have not desired, but a body have you prepared for me; in burnt offerings and sin offerings you have taken no pleasure. Then I said, 'Behold, I have come to do your will, O God, as it is written of me in the scroll of the book.'" When he said above, "You have neither desired nor taken pleasure in sacrifices and offerings and burnt offerings and sin offerings" (these are offered according to the law), then he added, "Behold, I have come to do your will." He does away with the first in order to establish the second. And by that will we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all."

Closing Prayer:

"Stir up, we beseech thee, O Lord, the wills of thy faithful people; that they, plenteously bringing forth the fruit of good works, may by thee be plenteously rewarded; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen."