Thursday, May 12, 2011
I am Selfish and So Can You!
No matter how hard I try (maybe even because I try so hard) it seems selfishness finds a way into my life.
For example, sometimes selfishness sneaks into my life disguised as goals.
You know what kind of goals I mean. Good goals. 10-steps-to-a-better-you goals. Contribute-to-society goals. The type of goals we are just sure will make us better spouses, parents, employees, and (of course) Christians. (Not like those other losers who don't even set goals.)
And all along I'm convincing myself that these goals are the "disciplined" thing to do.
That if I could somehow do these things I'd be better for everyone around me. (you know, because they need me)
But maybe all these goals are just about me feeling better about myself. Maybe all this time spent on improving my mind, my body, and my spirit isn't noble at all - maybe it's just downright self-obsessed egotism. Designed to improve myself and nobody else.
The other day I was thinking about myself (something I do a lot) - and I realized just how much I like myself.
Let's face it, I'm an amazingly godly guy.
Who does amazingly godly things.
Because God wants me to.
Like preach and teach and work in a Christian bookstore.
But wait - maybe if I was honest, I'd admit that those are just things I want to do. Maybe God has nothing to do with it.
Because it all has to do with me. And I'm just bringing God along for the ride. Labeling everything I want to do as "God's will".
Maybe I'm blaming my selfishness on God.
Maybe God gets blamed for all kinds of stuff I do.
Maybe I pay lip service to God and His kingdom - so that I won't feel guilty that I'm just building my own kingdom.
Maybe all my best efforts. All my goals. All my good deeds. All my spiritual achievements. Maybe all of these are just filthy rags.
And no matter how hard I try to conform to outward standards - my heart will always be lagging selfishly a few steps behind.
Too bad God looks at the heart.